In September of 2007, I started this blog
with a bit of writing advice. A little over a year later, I discovered how
little I knew about writing after hearing children’s writer, In April of 2014, I
figured I’d gotten enough publications that I could share some of the things I
did “right”. I’ll keep that up, but I’m running out of pro-published stories. I
don’t write full-time, nor do I make enough money with my writing to live off
of it, but someone pays for and publishes ten percent of what I write.
Hemingway’s quote above will remain unchanged as I work to increase my writing
output and sales, but I’m adding this new series of posts because I want to
carefully look at what I’ve done WRONG and see if I can fix it. As always, your
comments are welcome!
ANALOG Tag Line: What would forcing your child into a career of
YOUR choosing; and then losing that child do to your ability to perform your
job to save a world?
Elevator Pitch (What Did I Think I Was Trying To Say?) That life goes
on, then you die – or someone you love dies…or someone somewhere dies and you
have no idea why or if it had any meaning…
Opening Line: “My boss led me to believe that in
the council chamber on this frozen world of Sirmiq, I would find enlightened
discourse.”
Onward: Gordon Oyeyemi is a clone of the Confluence of Humanity who
has been on active duty for some three hundred Solar Years. Married with two
children, he’s now a widower with one son left. His daughter and wife died in a
bloody insurrection and now he’s trying to force his son to do what he was
gengineered to do: communicate clearly. The only problem is that on a backward
world locked it its ice age, his son is murdered. Negotiations have fallen
apart, and Gordon is about to end his career in both a personal and
professional shambles while on the surface waiting to take his son’s body home.
What Was I Trying
To Say? I first submitted it
in August of 2013. It usually takes me about six months to a year to write a
short story, so let’s just assume that I wrote it during the summer of 2012. A
year before, my wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer, suffered a double
mastectomy, and then endured six months of chemotherapy. She was at that time,
a breast cancer survivor. That was also around the time when my faith was
shattered. Thanksgiving of 2012 had seen the onset of lymphedema as well. We’d
left our old church in 2011 or so after the woman pastor deeply wounded my
wife.
I was angry. This
story shows that clearly. I was trying to say that nothing matters; it doesn’t
matter how hard we try, life still sucks…
The Rest of the
Story: The story ended with
the grandmother of the boy who murdered Gordon’s son falling from a cliff after
they’d spent a night in silent, frozen vigil. With down, they were able to
communicate and she explained how the murder was her fault because her grandson
had been badly raised. Gordon insists that it’s all HIS fault because he was
unable to get the opposing parties – one that favored joining the Confluence of
Humanity; the other the Empire of Man. Bitter argument had not budged either
side and the population of the world was divided. Add to that the fact that in
the oceans of the world, swam a creature whose blood carried a compound that
could seriously extend the lifespan of Humans.
As Grandmother fell,
instead of screaming, she’d called out the Inupiaq word for “balance”. She
meant for her death to balance the life of Gordon’s son. But he wasn’t buying
it. His final reflection implied that he was going to commit suicide.
End Analysis: This is a grim story. ANALOG would never
publish it mostly because it’s primarily internal reflection and dialogue.
There’s no action except the murder, and that’s offstage. Grandmother’s death
has nothing really to do with Gordon. It’s her own choice – he wasn’t consulted
and his agreement or disagreement with her choice is irrelevant. It’s a
helpless and hopeless story – except that, in the end the colony chooses to
join the Confluence, preventing a war over the resources. Both Confluence and
Empire have dreadnaughts hovering over the planet. Each could take on the other
in a firefight, so there is a balance of power there as well…
F&SF said: “I
really love the diplomacy premise because it provides the perfect setting to
explore cultural and social conflicts resolved through intelligence instead of
fists, which I feel like I don't see enough of. But overall this story just
didn't connect with me so I'm going to pass on it.”
GIGANOTOSAURUS said:
“The writing is strong, but ultimately the story just didn't grab me.”
Can This Story Be
Saved? I don’t think so. The
message is grim. I sent it to F&SF, ASIMOV’S, CLARKESWORLD, APEX, STRANGE HORIZONS,
INTERGALACTIC MEDICINE SHOW, GIGANOTOSAURUS, THE DARK, and in the end, I did
send it to ANALOG. No dice.
But my thoughts
still stand. My interpretation of the world also still stands. Given what the
story was about then and the number of times it was rejected and the markets
that tossed it back at me, I don’t see that there’s any way of fixing it. It
will go into the dustbin until…well, it decays into its component electrons.
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