February 11, 2018

WRITING ADVICE: Can This Story Be SAVED? #20 “Rock of Ages” (Submitted 8 Times Since 2005, Revised 3)


In September of 2007, I started this blog with a bit of writing advice. A little over a year later, I discovered how little I knew about writing after hearing children’s writer, In April of 2014, I figured I’d gotten enough publications that I could share some of the things I did “right”. I’ll keep that up, but I’m running out of pro-published stories. I don’t write full-time, nor do I make enough money with my writing to live off of it, but someone pays for and publishes ten percent of what I write. Hemingway’s quote above will remain unchanged as I work to increase my writing output and sales, but I’m adding this new series of posts because I want to carefully look at what I’ve done WRONG and see if I can fix it. As always, your comments are welcome!

ANALOG Tag Line:
How long you can hate someone has its limits, even when you are vastly different from the one who hurt you; and the hurting was done purely as an act of war.

Elevator Pitch (What Did I Think I Was Trying To Say?)
Two mortal enemies can forgive each other even after two centuries of enmity.

Opening Line:
“I’m ready to die.”

Onward:
“I think Sturgeon is ready to die, too.
“But before that moment, I need to see him face-to-face. The Ilshshlir and I can do First Contact and the Final Battle at the same time. For a hundred and seventy-one years, we have been marooned on Earth at the same time, apart. The moment to come together is upon us.”

What Was I Trying To Say?
This one was all about forgiveness and how it doesn’t just “happen”. Forgiveness is a verb, and it’s a two-way verb; and a universal need.

The Rest of the Story:
As written, I threw in some sort of tabloid reporter who, while he pretends the story is imaginary, has suspected their presence on Earth for some time. He has made their story his life’s work, and the story has taken on a life of its own, much as the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS’ “Batboy” series.

Smithe has grown old with them, though not as old as them – Sturgeon, of the Ilshshlir, a race of intelligent alien “fish”, and my unnamed (a la Ralph Ellison’s INVISIBLE MAN) humanoid alien protagonist, of the Kuvor; have lived on Earth for a hundred and seventy years.

The story does include their initial battle and the end result that stranded them on Earth. When it appeared he be stuck on Earth for the rest of his life, the Kuvor had himself surgically altered to look more Human (the removal of a sixth finger) and has stories to explain his other “deformities”. He has married three times, adopting numerous children. He has also made several fortunes by introducing Kuvor technology to Humanity in bits and pieces.

My protagonist is ready to die, his people committing ritual suicide while still in their right mind, and at the onset of certain physical signs. He is old and wants to die in peace; and while he has been seeking Sturgeon, has only encountered him a few times in the nearly two centuries they’ve lived on Earth.

End Analysis:
The story is poignant, sad, but ultimately uplifting. However, it’s deeply marred by adding in the stupid Human who plays no role but to, I suppose, Humanize the story. The older versions included a scene in the newspaper’s HQ as well as a bar scene for the Kuvor.

I chopped it down and chopped it down until it’s almost to its bare essentials.

It’s almost there.

Can This Story Be Saved?
I need to drop the Human and add two battles, one where each one almost kills the other. One scene can be reminiscent of Ahab’s battle with Moby Dick – from the point of view of Sturgeon; the other perhaps can be reminiscent of the fight scene from INVISIBLE MAN, emphasizing that the nameless Kuvor will never BE Human, no matter how much he looks like a Human and learns to act Human. Few people will accept him as being, in a broader sense, Human.

So, yes. This story CAN be saved and I look forward to working on it and several others.


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