January 24, 2010

POSSIBLY IRRITATING ESSAY: A Victim of Universal Truths – Take One

You read before you the musings of a victim of Google Chrome.

Realize, I have nothing against the internet. I LOVE the web. I love being able to look up anything about anything any time I feel like it.

For example, when I was looking to write better stories for teens, adults and children, I read how all of the best stories contain Universal Truth. That is, apparently, WHY they are popular bestsellers. If a truth is universal and you read it in a story, you resonate with that truth. So I went online to find Universal Truth.

I came upon this website: http://truths.omniseek.com/list.html

On thirty pages of printout, you can read 9999 Universal Truths. I was amazed! Surely, here was a goldmine of information guaranteed to launch me into the stratosphere of award-winning publication. All I had to do was incorporate these Truths into my writing and voilà!, I would have “arrived”.

Imagine my disappointment when upon first reading, I came upon these gems:

“Feet taste better with ketchup” (UT#5)

“Mornings would be much easier to handle if they happened later in the day” (UT#1200)

“Reality is what you make of it” (UT#5335)

BTW – these are randomly numbered as well. There are NOT 9999 – more like a couple hundred. *sigh*

I read them anyway and while they were usually not profound and sometimes downright stupid, there WERE a couple…

So every once in a while, I’ll be ruminating on the Universal Truths presented on this site. The first one connects with my opening sentence:

Universal Truth #9: No matter what you do, someone will ask for more features. (mimick@chia.net)

This is clearly what happened with Google Chrome. Not only did they rearrange the page, they simplified it! Now, instead of that pesky “reading” thing, I can click on pictures! I don’t have to do that dang “search” any more, all I have to do is click on the bright and shiny pictures and *poof*, there I am, right back where I was yesterday.

Personally, I find Google Chrome insultingly patronizing. As well, they have hidden the controls to change it back to the way it was. I am the victim of Universal Truth #9 because I’m sure that there were people who complained that “googling” things from the old format took WAAAAYYYYYYYYYY too much time and if Google would just fix it so it would be EASIER, then everyone (of course, everyone has the same feelings as the complainers) would be happy.

The problem is reflected in Google’s choice of name for this “upgrade”. Any elementary science student can tell you that silver, platinum and gold are high up on the periodic table, with atomic masses of 107.8 (Atomic # 47), 195.08 (At# 78), 196.9 (At# 79). Chromium’s atomic mass is 51.9 (At#24) and is LOWER than the others, hence it implies a STEP BACKWARD for Google to name their “new” program “Chrome”. I would concur with the fact that this “new” Google is clunky, inefficient, insulting and actually ugly.


Even from a practical standpoint, “chrome” is associated with old-fashioned cars, particularly cars of the 1950s. So in order to move forward, Google has taken a step backwards and made everything supposedly simpler. I suppose you can’t please all of the people all of the time. I’m sure I’m just a minority squeaking away out there, whining for the “way things used to be”. However, I CAN say that I have never had more “wait” warnings with that ridiculous image of a computer screen sucking on a thermometer! So either I’m just picky or the “new” Google Chrome is having more trouble connecting than the “old” Google Google did.


Call me when they introduce Google Einsteinium!


slxpluvs said...

I thought that chrome was the pretty plating on a solid, strong, functional metal like steel. Then again, Universal Truth #7: There is always someone who prefers mustard.

GuyStewart said...

Of course, given time, the chrome starts to flake off...it's just this time it started flaking right away...for me...

slxpluvs said...

One could argue that Chrome Flakes are a delicious way to start the day. Now with shiny marshmallows!