In September of 2007, I started this blog
with a bit of writing advice. A little over a year later, I discovered how
little I knew about writing after hearing children’s writer, In April of 2014, I
figured I’d gotten enough publications that I could share some of the things I
did “right”. I’ll keep that up, but I’m running out of pro-published stories. I
don’t write full-time, nor do I make enough money with my writing to live off
of it, but someone pays for and publishes ten percent of what I write.
Hemingway’s quote above will remain unchanged as I work to increase my writing
output and sales, but I’m adding this new series of posts because I want to
carefully look at what I’ve done WRONG and see if I can fix it. As always, your
comments are welcome!
ANALOG Tag Line:
Not even I’M certain…I suppose “What we eliminate today may end up
saving us tomorrow”????
Elevator Pitch (What Did I Think I Was Trying To Say?)
I thought I was saying that while I understand WHY we actively destroy
weeds – things like crabgrass, dandelions, hawkweed, and others – what if
it turns out that plants we call invasives actually strengthen the
domesticated/agricultural plants and our meddling might come back to bite us
someday.
Opening Line:
“Chuck Kay kicked a
clod of root-bound soil at his younger brother.”
Onward:
The rest of the
story is a riff off of the classic Bible story, “Cain & Abel”. Chuck (Cain),
the older is irresponsible and despite the fact that it’s not legal, grows marijuana.
He’s the “evil” brother. It so happens in this story that DAD is evil, too. Keo
(Abel) being the “good’ brother and doing what he’s supposed to do –
cultivating select beneficial invasive seeds for spreading as current cash crop
plants are dying under the assault of newer and more adaptable pests and invasives
– and is also the butt of Chuck’s cruelty and derision.
What Was I Trying
To Say?
Like I said, I was
writing for a contest; several years ago. My technique wasn’t well-sharpened
then. I iterated what I thought I was trying to say above and only want to add
that I still think it’s true. Strict evolutionists would say that by removing
competition for resources, we are weakening a species; removing the drive for
the “survival of the fittest”. Agronomists call it plant competition and
instead of simply spraying the weeds away as we’ve done for a long time, there
are new methodologies being brought to bear.
The Rest of the
Story:
They get into a
fight and Chuck is arrested – as was Dad and taken to work in the Vertical
Villages and on an asteroid. But before they take Chuck away, Keo is “executed”
for the benefit of his family’s opinion and recruited into the invasive seeding
program by a robot. While the reader doesn’t know who the robot is, I do. It’s
been in a number of stories I’ve written…just never published. Its name is
Lagos…
End Analysis:
I tried something
here that was perhaps bigger than what I wanted to do. I involved Dad, Lagos,
and other external factors when I should have kept the conflict to Chuck and
Keo and let it play out between them. With flash fiction – which this was
intended to be – the fewer the characters the better. I’ve been tweeting lately
that the number of characters has to be limited. In fact I’ve repeatedly done
so for the last SIX writing advice Tweets (https://twitter.com/gstewart75?lang=en) and then ignored my
own advice!
Can This Story Be
Saved?
Yes.
HOWEVER (listen,
Guy!) you can’t let it get out of control! Keep the writing tighter than you
usually do, drop Dad and Lagos and just let it be between Keo and Chuck. Oh,
and don’t change their names from full, Laotian names to American adopted
names! Ugh! The first paragraph makes it seem like there are a dozen characters
and the reader has NO idea what’s going on!
To work then, and
submission immediately afterward.
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