In September of 2007, I started this blog
with a bit of writing advice. A little over a year later, I discovered how
little I knew about writing after hearing children’s writer, In April of 2014, I
figured I’d gotten enough publications that I could share some of the things I
did “right”. I’ll keep that up, but I’m running out of pro-published stories. I
don’t write full-time, nor do I make enough money with my writing to live off
of it, but someone pays for and publishes ten percent of what I write.
Hemingway’s quote above will remain unchanged as I work to increase my writing
output and sales, but I’m adding this new series of posts because I want to
carefully look at what I’ve done WRONG and see if I can fix it. As always, your
comments are welcome!
ANALOG Tag Line:
Laughter is universal, though HUMOR is not – can learning to laugh
together avert all-out war?
Elevator Pitch (What Did I Think I Was Trying To Say?)
The alien WheetAH
are descended from mobile plants; Humans from tiny mammals. When war is
imminent between the only two sophonts in our part of the galaxy and based on
uncountable numbers of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and outright
incomprehension – can anything be done by anyone to stop it?
Opening Line:
“‘The literature
supports slowing natural growth when WheetAH are anywhere off Wheet,’ said
Martin Hardy.” (WOW! There’s a gripping beginning! Can you even wait to read
the rest of the story???)
Onward:
“When had their
friendship stopped being fun? ‘When the governments stuck their slimy noses in
it,’ he answered his own question. When their co-authored literature review and
speculation caught the eye of the Human and WheetAH military looking for a
reason to accelerate their arsenals – or keep the other side from figuring out
how to build theirs up.” This is an awfully obscure block of text – though it’s
masquerading as something important. It doesn’t even “do it” for me…and I wrote
it.
“Puffing, he
headed for their usual watering hole, The Dirt-n-Drink, along cobblestone and
lichen pathways. Beyond the edge of the campus, an old warehouse had been turned
into an alcohol and sludgee bar for Human college students and analeptic-laced
root boxes and a cheap selection of insects and rodents for WheetAh college
students. Along with free stellarnet, The DnD exerted an inexorable force few
undergrads of either Kingdom could resist” OK – THIS is somewhat interesting and I go on from here, but this doesn’t
arrive until page three.
Page four is where
the story starts: “He had a message. From Groan. He stared at the icon for five
minutes debating whether or not to open it. A second message popped up as he
watched. He swiped that one, and her image said, ‘I saw you come in. I’m in the
back of the sunny side. Think you should get here fast. Trouble.’”
Trouble. That’s
where the story AWLAYS has to start. Mine doesn’t…and in a moment, I’ll share
with you a comment from one of the editors who rejected it.
What Was I Trying
To Say?
I want to explore
commonalities and differences and how war – and in the current political
climate – folding our arms over our chests or breasts and intoning, “You can’t
make me!” – will neither solve any problem whatsoever. We have to LISTEN.
Listening and open discussion is the only way to avert war; it’s the only way
to get things done. It seems that the current belief of Humanity is that the
only way anything can be done is by shouting louder than the other
party/candidate/country.
I am trying to say
we have to talk, and perhaps the language of humor, explored with compassion
and intelligence, might lead to understanding.
The Rest of the
Story:
It can be summed up
right here, from page twenty-two:
“‘They’ll need us
when whatever plan the authorities tries fails miserably.’
“‘Why would they
fail?’
“Groanhootpeefei said,
‘Because they don’t understand each other like we understand each other.’
“‘We understand each
other?’ Martin said.
“‘Well enough to make
a dynamite comedy couple.’ She spun up the ramp.
“Martin followed as
the door pixelated after identifying them, and said, ‘We did, after all, win
the comedy contest.’
End Analysis:
“‘What say we start
a new group on campus – give the Comedy Club a little competition?’
“‘We could call it
the Inter-Kingdom Philosophy, Religion, and Comedy League; and before you ask, our
mission statement will point out that you can’t make people laugh until you
understand them. To understand them you need to know everything about them –
not just how they talk, act and reproduce,” Martin added, Ick Prickle.’
“‘Excuse me?’
“‘The I-K-P-R-C-L –
Ick Prickle,’ Martin said, nodding but lifting his arms half-way up in an
approximation of a WheetAh raising their head fans. ‘Good idea. We can get
started when we have our proposal written up.’
“Groanhootpeefei
sounded like bending timber as the door slid down behind them and she said, ‘We’ve
got two weeks. Maybe we can find some of that coffee Barby was talking about
and take our time writing the proposal. It’s got to be a real killer if we want
the Committee to give us the grant.””
This is a good
ending, but as the editor of PERIHELION noted: “I was expecting more dramatic
tension.” I imply impending war, but never make it clear. Another editor said
it was too long – though he liked the idea.
Can This Story Be
Saved?
Yeah – but I need to
re-write it from top to bottom; make it along the lines of Poul Anderson’s “Wings
of Victory” that takes place against the background of impending war between
Humans and the Ythrians. I don’t know if that would work. OTOH, I love this
world and the characters. I want it to succeed, so I guess…I’ll do it. The
name, however, may change…
References: http://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20100125/no-joke-laughter-is-universal,
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culture-conscious/201205/whats-funny,
http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/blog/news/translation-of-humour-across-cultures/
No comments:
Post a Comment