H Trope: horrible spiders
Current Event: http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/bugs/egyptian-giant-solpugid/
In the creepy tradition of the movie PIRANHA (1978) (which contained a line that, even though I saw the movie 32 years ago has remained etched in my mind forever: “Sir, the piranha, they’re eating the guests.”), I offer you this twist on the theme…or, if you prefer, a twisted theme…
Paul Grogan looked through the windshield of Maggie McKeown’s 2035, Ford F-Series SuperDuty pickup through the pouring rain and into Kelly’s Slough National Wildlife Refuge eight kilometers east of Grand Forks, North Dakota.
“This doesn’t seem to be ideal camping weather,” Paul said.
“Oh, Paul! Where’s your sense of adventure?” Maggie said, then laughed.
He glanced at her. “Probably at the Minneapolis/St Paul International Airport Hilton-Best Western-Marriot-Hyatt Luxury Hotel where I booked us…” He sighed. Mom and Maggie’s dad, officers in the Air Force, scientists – her dad’s a doctor, his mom a specialist in arachnids…
“I thought you wanted to see spiders? This doesn’t exactly scream ‘Spider Haven’.”
“I’m not sure it would be any better for horseback riding, though,” said Maggie.
He sighed, swallowed hard. She knew his wildest dream was to be a horse vet. He said, “What would you want to be more than anything else in the world.” He fingered the engagement ring in his pocket, secretly smiling.
Maggie said, “I want to marry a really, really rich old guy who ‘dies before his time’.”
“What? I thought we were gonna get married!”
She smiled up at him, reached over, patted his hand and said, “I want to marry the rich guy first so I can inherit his millions. After he dies, I’ll marry you and then support you as a vet so you can live wherever you want to live.”
“I want to live with you…” Paul says. He screamed, shaking his hand wildly, “Something bit me!”
“Probably a spider. Your mom says they’re working on spider control here.” She grinned at his horrified look, “You know that that means she’s on some kind of top-secret project to develop spiders as weapons.” Shaking his hand again, he looked behind him and then the place on his hand again.
She said, “Aren’t you afraid it’s going to bite you again?”
“Aside from the fact that I’ve been bitten by just about every spider known to Humanity and have a broad-based anti-venin booster every six months? Not really.”
She snorted. “You just don’t respect spiders the way I do.”
He shook his head and said, “I do feel sorta weird.”
“What do you mean, sorta weird?”
“Sorta like...I want to eat spider meat.”
“Not with the same mouth that kisses these lips!” she exclaimed. “I may love spiders, but I’m not in a kissing relationship with any of them.”
He blinked hard and swayed. “I’m not kidding, Meg. I feel like I’m out of time.”
For the first time, she looked alarmed. “Like you’re going to die?”
“No – not that out of time. Like I’m out of our time. Like I want to go Spider hunting…”
“Why do I get the feeling that we’re not talking about traditional Earthly spiders?”
“I...I...have a really, really awful craving for some spider meat. Lots and lots,” he looked at her with wide eyes, “Spider meat.”
Names: ♀ Ancient Greece, Ireland; ♂ Israel, Ireland
Image: https://cdn.britannica.com/40/11740-004-50816EB1/Boris-Karloff-Frankenstein-monster.jpg
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