JAX LUNAR LUMBER Chapter 6: Visitation Of The Most High Celebrity

On the way to the neighborhood Home Depot for the obligatory weekend project as well as a load of flowers and potting soil, I started musing on my hitch as a “yard ape” for a company called Knox Lumber. We, too were busy this time of year, and it was a familiar feel whenever I went to one of these stored. Know was one of the original “Do It Yourself” (aka DIY) stores, a precursor to today’s Lowes, Menards, and Home Depot. Eventually bought out by Payless Cashways https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Payless_Cashways

the rumor in the store was that you could build an entire house by waiting patiently for a year while EVERYTHING went on sale…Rolling down the driveway, I suddenly had a thought and snickered.

When my wife asked, “What?” I shook my head. “No, what?”

I reiterated the train of thought above, then added, “I was wondering if it would be possible to build a colony on the Moon using just what you could buy at Knox?”

We pondered it for a few moments, then suddenly said in unison, “Yes!”

Inspired by Matt Weir, the result of my musings continues below.


We ended up having roughly a year to prepare for the arrival of Roza Rymbayeva Golovkin, named after a famous Kazakh singer and song-writer. She was a Sixth Generation descendant of the last Human to walk on the Moon in the 20th Century – Eugene Andrew Cernan was an American astronaut, naval aviator, electrical engineer, aeronautical engineer, and fighter pilot. During the Apollo 17 mission, Cernan became the 11th human being to walk on the Moon. As he re-entered the Apollo Lunar Module after Harrison Schmitt on their third and final lunar excursion, he became the Last Man to Walk On the Moon – the Last Walker in other words.

Now his six-times-removed granddaughter was standing in front of me, her face suffused with wonder. She said, “I don’t hurt anymore!”

“Excuse me?” I managed. That was two seconds before her Personal Handler, Sturdlan Vilbix,” they introduced themselves as, stepped in and started to talk as she grabbed me by the bicep and squeezed. It HURT! She had muscles trained under the full gravity of the world that had nurtured Humanity into intelligence. Now, here she was steering me further into Jax Lunar Lumber, using gestures to station dozens of drones in the ceiling, on the floor, on desks, in trees, and anywhere their cameras – I was pretty sure the glittering light twirling around the back and belly of each one was a camera designed to record, broadcast, and recreate every scene, every motion, and every nuance of the Six-Times-Great-Granddaughter Of The Last Walker – or “Six-T-Grandsdaughter-OT Last Walker”. That quickly morphed to antichrist, or 6T for short.

My own grandkids had warned me. They begged me to let them prepare a defense against this entity of The Media. After I finally gave in, the Council of Four convened – Noah, Natalie, Ronan, and Rayna – and gently ushered me out of the room and got to work.

When Sturdlan Vilbix appeared just as they’d predicted and started spreading their drones, little Rayna ran in, cute as a bug, and hugged my leg.

“Grandpa, do the Turkey Neck! Please! Please! Please!”

That was the code phrase they’d decided on for me to let them know if it was a Go-No-Go situation. Rolling my eyes, I shook my head several times, shaking my wattles of fat and making cheek noises. Rayna hugged me again and ran out of the room.

The Handler and 6T looked at me. The Handler said, “I’m sorry Mr..? What did you call yourself?”

“Owner and Proprietor of JAX LUNAR LUMBER.”

She flicked me away, saying, “Whatever. You’ll have to keep your children…”

“Grandchildren,” I corrected her.

They sighed as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders and said, “You’ll have to keep you GRANDchildren both out of our way and preferably off the premises. We have very important work here to do! Billions of Humans are clamoring to see me –” She stopped abruptly, glanced at Roza Rymbayeva Golovkin, Six-Times-Great-Granddaughter Of The Last Walker, cleared her throat and said, “I mean ONLY to speak for Madame Golovkin when I say…”

I flicked my fingers in her direction and a swarm of tiny drones, no larger than Ronan’s fingernails but shinier, flew as a swarm through the room. Moments later, every drone but those under the control of the Council of the Four fell to the floor, energy-drained into just so much ballast.”

“And you may be interested in something I say.” I grinned – and just happened to catch a glow of real delight in on the face of the former 6T…now reverting to Roza Golovkin…

Resources: The Moon Trees, https://www.urbanforestdweller.com/we-almost-forgot-about-the-moon-trees/ ; https://www.space.com/moon-colonists-lunar-lava-tubes.html
Image: https://external-preview.redd.it/xL2Y2UHb2B0JN5P162FShQfxqCTYNuOp3WEYxdF86j4.jpg?width=1080&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=6955074e421a5e98c69b2da35179a3a91faa5662