In September of 2007, I started this blog
with a bit of writing advice. A little over a year later, I discovered how
little I knew about writing after hearing children’s writer, In April of 2014,
I figured I’d gotten enough publications that I could share some of the things
I did “right”. I’ll keep that up, but I’m running out of pro-published stories.
I don’t write full-time, nor do I make enough money with my writing to live off
of it, but someone pays for and publishes ten percent of what I write.
Hemingway’s quote above will remain unchanged as I work to increase my writing
output and sales, but I’m adding this new series of posts because I want to
carefully look at what I’ve done WRONG and see if I can fix it. As always, your
comments are welcome!
ANALOG Tag Line:
How long you can hate someone has its limits, even when you are vastly
different from the one who hurt you; and the hurting was done purely as an act
of war.
Elevator Pitch (What Did I Think I Was Trying To Say?)
Two mortal enemies
can forgive each other even after two centuries of enmity.
Opening Line:
“I’m ready to die.”
Onward:
“I think Sturgeon is
ready to die, too.
“But before that
moment, I need to see him face-to-face. The Ilshshlir and I can do First
Contact and the Final Battle at the same time. For a hundred and seventy-one
years, we have been marooned on Earth at the same time, apart. The moment to
come together is upon us.”
What Was I Trying
To Say?
This one was all
about forgiveness and how it doesn’t just “happen”. Forgiveness is a verb, and
it’s a two-way verb; and a universal need.
The Rest of the
Story:
As written, I threw
in some sort of tabloid reporter who, while he pretends the story is imaginary,
has suspected their presence on Earth for some time. He has made their story
his life’s work, and the story has taken on a life of its own, much as the
WEEKLY WORLD NEWS’ “Batboy” series.
Smithe has grown old
with them, though not as old as them – Sturgeon, of the Ilshshlir, a race of intelligent
alien “fish”, and my unnamed (a la Ralph Ellison’s INVISIBLE MAN) humanoid
alien protagonist, of the Kuvor; have lived on Earth for a hundred and seventy
years.
The story does
include their initial battle and the end result that stranded them on Earth.
When it appeared he be stuck on Earth for the rest of his life, the Kuvor had himself
surgically altered to look more Human (the removal of a sixth finger) and has
stories to explain his other “deformities”. He has married three times, adopting
numerous children. He has also made several fortunes by introducing Kuvor
technology to Humanity in bits and pieces.
My protagonist is
ready to die, his people committing ritual suicide while still in their right
mind, and at the onset of certain physical signs. He is old and wants to die in
peace; and while he has been seeking Sturgeon, has only encountered him a few
times in the nearly two centuries they’ve lived on Earth.
End Analysis:
The story is poignant,
sad, but ultimately uplifting. However, it’s deeply marred by adding in the stupid
Human who plays no role but to, I suppose, Humanize the story. The older
versions included a scene in the newspaper’s HQ as well as a bar scene for the
Kuvor.
I chopped it down
and chopped it down until it’s almost to its bare essentials.
It’s almost there.
Can This Story Be
Saved?
I need to drop the
Human and add two battles, one where each one almost kills the other. One scene
can be reminiscent of Ahab’s battle with Moby Dick – from the point of view of Sturgeon;
the other perhaps can be reminiscent of the fight scene from INVISIBLE MAN,
emphasizing that the nameless Kuvor will never BE Human, no matter how much he
looks like a Human and learns to act Human. Few people will accept him as being,
in a broader sense, Human.
So, yes. This story
CAN be saved and I look forward to working on it and several others.
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