In September of 2007, I started this blog with
a bit of writing advice. A little over a year later, I discovered how little I
knew about writing after hearing children’s writer, In April of 2014, I figured
I’d gotten enough publications that I could share some of the things I did “right”.
I’ll keep that up, but I’m running out of pro-published stories. I don’t write
full-time, nor do I make enough money with my writing to live off of it, but
someone pays for and publishes ten percent of what I write. Hemingway’s quote
above will remain unchanged as I work to increase my writing output and sales,
but I’m adding this new series of posts because I want to carefully look at what
I’ve done WRONG and see if I can fix it. As always, your comments are welcome!
ANALOG Tag Line:
First Contact is usually something you expect, but when it sneaks up
behind you, the only person who can deal with it is the person who is RIGHT
THERE…no matter how inexperienced they are.
Elevator Pitch (What Did I Think I Was Trying To Say?)
[I originally wrote
this story that Julie Czerneda put a call out for after giving permission to
write in the world she’d created. The Trade Pact universe held PLEXIS
SUPERMARKET, a freewheeling, capitalistic market that was buried in an asteroid
traveling through space. On Plexis, anything could happen…] Truth be told, I’m absolutely
certain I had no idea what I wanted to say…it was just supposed to be fun
playing there!
Opening Line:
[I wrote two
versions of this story, one took place on Plexis. When the story didn’t pass
muster, I repurposed it to fit my River universe.]
PLEXIS:
“I find it highly
suspect that a new information merchant should set up shop and that a
Sakissishee starship should dock at Plexis Supermarket in the same week,” said
Inspector Krrsen.
RIVER:
“I am dying here.”
Onward:
PLEXIS:
He looked up at the
two young beings standing at rigid attention before him. Constables Human
Russell Terk and Tolian P’tr wit’Whix did not look well. He managed to keep a
smirk from his eyes. “What do you think, Constable wit’Whix?”
The usually groomed
plumage of the avioid being was clumped unattractively. He said,
“We have just
returned from the restaurant stakeout, Inspector, Sir.”
“I understand, your
partner attempted to pass you off as an entrée?”
The Human’s face and
ears darkened to an attractive red as he said, “We felt it was the only way for
us to get into the hideout, Inspector!”
“It was your idea,”
‘Whix clicked his beak in irritation. The feathers at his neck fluttered as he
said, “I wish to transfer off of Plexis.”
Krrsen nodded,
rumbling with a Turrned giggle. The two youngsters had no idea he was
struggling not to laugh out loud. He let their wide-eyed terror at the sound
stew a moment then fixed them with a hard gaze from large, fist-sized, warm
brown eyes, and said, “I’ll take your request under consideration, constable
‘Whix. Until then, the two of you will take the Education Market beat.”
RIVER:
No matter how hard I
try, I will never understand math, if I don’t math, I don’t go to university,
and if I don’t go to university, I’ll never get out of here and I’ll die,”
Iggie whispered into his headphone. “I need help.”
“You won’t die. I
can help you…” Agnew said.
“I need real help,
Sausage-Butt. I have to change my brain,” he spoke slowly, like Agnew was an idiot.
Agnew was his brother and pretty much his only friend, he was also an employee,
technically his property, and a giant pain-in-the-ass.
Keeping with the
last, Agnew said, “Don’t. Do. Nootropics.”
“I’ve decided on an
electronic memory stimulator. That’s all I need to pass the stupid test.”
Agnew made a noise
garbled by the earphone as he said, “How long can you
lie about yourself until you start to believe it, Ignoramus?” He hung up.
What Was I Trying
To Say?
In the PLEXIS story,
I was having fun exploring some characters I really liked who didn’t get a lot
of story time. As for a message? Hmmm. If pressed, I’d say that it was a
mystery about how we always try to find an easy way to get what we want. In
this story, it was about a shop that supplied illegal enhancements to allow for
a pilot’s implant to be placed. It was usually an expensive, lengthy procedure.
This supplier also found out that there was an unforeseen consequence when
meddling with a novel alien people.
For RIVER, I have no
aliens, just genetically modified Humans. The modifications run the gamut from
simple to bizarre. Here, as above, I have a character who’s trying to cheat the
system to get into a top-rank college (does this story sound familiar? https://boston.cbslocal.com/2020/04/02/lori-loughlin-college-admissions-scam-dismiss-charges/?fbclid=IwAR3A6oAab7lm6oBRurd-PLBRr9i_whExRoFLuok-0OmYO4N0-COOURCdei4
At the time it WASN’T!) His best friend urges him to just do the work and don’t
do drugs.
The Rest of the
Story:
PLEXIS: Using unorthodox
methods, the main characters trace novel DNA to a new alien species. They
discover that it is unlike anything they’d ever encountered – two genders; one
mammalian, one reptilian; each carried half the DNA needed to procreate, but
they also carried two halves of one brain that would become part of an adult. Alien
antagonists interfere, causing one of the genders to become sexually mature.
This creates a biologically mature individual who had only “half of a brain” without
the balanced DNA a normal union would create. The “cops” of the story kill it
and they meet the being the union of two halves SHOULD produce, a being named
Lovely To Behold.
RIVER: Similar to
the story above, but the “alien” is simply Human who was so profoundly manipulated,
it’s effectively another species. The brain-joining and the rest also happen.
The main character is remanded into the care of one of the Completed Humans and
promises to teach him how to use his real brain and quit trying to cheat.
End Analysis:
Both end the same
way, but the RIVER story is more personal…except that instead of making it about
my own personal struggles, it’s so nebulous as conclude without having any
effect on the reader. Even me…in rewriting the story, “May They Rest”, I
suddenly found its heart and ended up tearing up a couple of times because the story
had become personal.
This one got so
muddled in both iterations that it was meaningless. I hate meaningless stories.
Can This Story Be
Saved?
PLEXIS was written
for a particular anthology that has since been published.
RIVER…I think the
biggest problem is that the story has virtually no focus. I wrote both before I
read Lisa Cron’s book WIRED FOR STORY, so it’s more in keeping with my writing
skills before I started to work at changing them.
That being said, I
like the characters and the story, but it’s so rambling and jargon heavy, I can’t
seem to get my ideas across. Again, I can’t even tell you CLEARLY what I was
trying to say. “Don’t do drugs!” is certainly one of the messages, but that’s
so prosaic as to be meaningless. What DO I want to say? Until I figure it out,
the story can’t be saved. Once I do? That’s a different story!
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